Advice to my Daughter (And Taylor Swift)

My daughter turns 16 next month. That means (whether I want to admit it or not) she will be allowed to begin dating.

What things should I tell her to look for in a young man, or eventually what to look for in a potential spouse.




I have been listening to country music a lot lately. An excerpt of a recent interview from In Style magazine came to my attention. Taylor Swift was being interviewed about her romantic relationships. She has a whimsical (and rather immature) view of how she'll know when she has met Mr Right. Here is what she said in the interview, as quoted by The Boot (A Country Music Website):

"There are no rules when it comes to love. I just try to let love surprise me because you never know who you're going to fall in love with," she tells InStyle magazine. "You never know who's going to come into your life -- and for me, when I picture the person I want to end up with, I don't think about what their career is, or what they look like. I picture the feeling I get when I'm with them."

I really like Taylor Swift. She's a young, fresh talent, and she has been very successful. I worry about her though. I would suggest that there really are rules when it comes to love. Basically this is a whimsical, "let nature take its course", and "lets leave it up to fate", view of romantic relationships. There is no direction, nor set of parameters or guidelines to prevent her from crashing hard, and bringing a lot of misery on herself.

Since I have a daughter who is just about dating age, here is what I would say to her (and to Taylor Swift too, if she were my daughter.)

A person who is good.
For some reason, there are some young women who are attracted to "bad boys". Every girl should know that a "bad boy" is a bad deal. Eventually that bad boy will turn on you. Some girls may be looking for a little bit of edgy excitement to spice up their lives. However eventually the spice will turn habernero hot, and you will get burned.

What do I mean by a person who is good?

• Integrity
• Fidelity and Loyalty
• Will abide by moral standards
  
• Kindness
• Respectfulness
• Unselfishness
• A willingness to work -- both to make a living, and to help out with the everyday labors of life (housework, shopping, cooking, cleaning, child care, etc.)
• Loving and Affectionate (and will vocalize his love for you.)
  
• Good Communication skills
• Able to resolve differences in a mature and amicable way.

Qualities like these don't just happen by chance. You have to be looking for them. You need to associate with people who have these qualities. Avoid dating young men who do not have these standards. The truth is, you will eventually marry from among those who you date.

In short, look for someone who is committed to living according to the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. All of the above qualities are in harmony with the Gospel. Obedience to the laws of God is the only way we will find true happiness.

Leaving romantic relationships all to chance, with no rules or guidelines will only lead to heartbreak and misery. Life (and eternity) is too precious to take unnecessary chances with such an important part of your life. And not only your own life, but potentially the lives of your children and posterity as well.

To quote Jacob in the Book of Mormon: "O be wise, what can I say more?"

Downey Woodpecker

Bryan and I were just leaving to do a little Christmas shopping this afternoon, when to our surprise, we saw a downy woodpecker in the crab apple tree in our front yard.

The bird we saw was just like this one on the photo above. He didn't seem to mind us at all. He hopped around from branch to branch, made a few pecks with his bill, and would hop to another branch. We were as close as bout 8 fee to him, but he paid us no mind.

Even when we opened the garage door, and pulled out the car, he still stayed in the tree, just going about his business. We stayed and watch him in amazement for a few minutes. I wish we could have gotten our own photo of him.

It was quite an amazing sight to see. A beautiful bird, and to be able to see him that up-close and personal -- in the "Wild".

Fare Thee Well, My Father

My father has been struggling with Alzheimer's Disease for the past several years. My mother has been the primary caregiver.

Unfortunately, the time has come when we have found it necessary to place my father in a care center.

The father that I have known and loved all my life has been slowly slipping away over time. Now, he no longer knows my name. He knows I am someone familiar. But he doesn't know I am his son. To him, I am a good and trusted friend, named Leon. We're not quite sure who Leon is (or was). However, if I am considered someone he he trusts and respects, then I'll take that.

I have started a new blog to chronicle my father's struggles with Alzheimer's Disease, and how it impacts our family.

The blog is called , "Fare Thee Well, My Father". You are welcome to take a look over there.

Life In Harmony

Last Saturday, our daughter Amy spent the day at Westminster College. She spent the day participating in the Utah Youth In Harmony Festival (UYIHF) workshop. This is an annual event put on by local Barbershop Harmony groups to introduce Barbershop singing to Jr. and Senior High School students in the Salt Lake Valley.

The sponsors were the Beehive Statesmen, and the Mountain Jubilee Chorus. Both of these groups are affiliated with the Barbershop Harmony Society. These two fine groups volunteered their time, and committed their resources to benefit the youth who participated. We are so grateful to them for giving of themselves to our children.

Amy had a great time. She is already excited about coming back to the festival next year.

There was a program in the evening, which we attended. There were a couple of numbers from a quartet from the Beehive Statesmen, and a couple of numbers from the Mountain Jubilee Chorus as well. A quartet from the Mountain Jubiliee Chorus, called Bounce also performed. They all did a great job. They were so good, that I wanted to sing right along with them.

Amy got to learn a couple of numbers, that she performed along with the other girls who attended. The boys who attended the festival also got to learn and perform a couple of songs as well. Finally both youth, and some of the adults all got to perform some numbers together, which were really fun to see and hear as well.

Amy participates in the Concert Choir at her Jr. High School. Amy does very well in all of her classes, but she likes Choir the best. I attribute Amy's love of choir to her teacher.

Her teacher, Ms. Nudd, was able to recruit more than 50 of her students to participate in the festival. She was so good about organizing everything. She had carpools from their school, to transport the kids to Westminster College, and stayed there all day to be there as a support for her students, and to help out with the program as well. Since Ms. Nudd had the most students of any school in the Salt Lake Valley in attendance at the festival, she won a cash prize, to help pay for the music department costs at her school. Way to go Ms. Nudd!

We had such a great time at the concert. The music filled my heart and soul with such joy. It made me realize how much I miss having singing in my life. I wanted to get down on stage and sing along with them.

I checked out the website of the Beehive Statesmen. They have open rehearsals on Wednesday nights. I'm tempted to pay them a visit sometime. If nothing more, maybe I can volunteer to help out with the Utah Youth in Harmony Festival next year.

Welcome Home!

I went to the Temple tonight. My wife and I were supposed to attend a sealing session tonight. However, she came down with a severe headache, and couldn't come.

She was in no condition to cook dinner, so I ordered some Chinese take out from the Magic Wok on my way home from work.

I had a decision to make: should I go to the Temple alone, or stay home. I felt a real responsibility to be there tonight. I felt that my presence would be helpful at the temple, even if my sweetheart could not come with me. So I decided to go anyway. The Chinese food would have to wait until I got home.

As it turned out, I was the only one from our Ward to be at the session. I was a bit disappointed that we were not in full attendance. However, the Lord blesses His people, sometimes in unexpected ways.

They canceled our session, and I was put with another group that needed an extra brother to complete their needs. However a few minutes later, our regular sealer came and asked me to come back to his room.

In place of our group, a family had come to the Temple to do names for their immediate kindred dead. These were not far distant relatives extracted from a census record from the 1820's, but rather, these were family members that many of the people in attendance had personally known in their own lifetimes.

Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways. Since the group from our ward was not in attendance, the Sealer was freed up to help this family become bound together for all eternity.

This family needed an extra brother to complete their group. For a little while, I got to be a part of their family. The sealer took extra time with them explaining what was happening and explained the doctrines behind the ordinances. He treated them with such kindness and love. I realized that in many ways, the Sealer was representing the Lord. It was inspiring to witness these eternal blessings being bestowed on this family.

I will never have the opportunity to do temple work for ancestors who I have known in my lifetime. All of my ancestors that I personally knew in my lifetime have already received their temple blessings while they were living. This is a great and treasured heritage that I have -- but I do miss out on the wonderful kind of experience that I saw this family have together tonight. I really appreciate the opportunity to help (and in a way, join) their family for a short time. What a wonderful opportunity.

After the session was over, I felt such peace in my heart, I did not want to leave. I walked around in the hallway for a minute, and then poked my head back into the doorway of the sealing room again, as the next session was starting. I was hoping to have a private word with the Sealer. He will be going to the new Draper Temple next month, and I may never see him again. I have so appreciated participating in his sealing sessions over the last few years. As I poked my head in the doorway, the sealer waved me in, and asked if I would help him with some paperwork. I ran the errand for him, and returned to the sealing room. He thanked me, and was about to say goodbye, when I asked if I might stay and help out for the next session. Of course, he let me stay.

The words of the song, "Abide With Me, 'Tis Eventide" went through my mind:

Abide with me;'tis eventide.
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near they side.

O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, 'tis eventide.
(LDS Hymns, No. 165)

As it turned out, this was a family group too, although they were doing regular temple provided names instead of family file names. This group consisted of two sisters (and their husbands), and each of the sisters had one of their daughters there. One daughter was married, and the other was single (a returned missionary, I would later learn).

This family has a regular sealing session that they attend together. We have been doing it as a ward, but you can do it as a family like this -- or even just a group of friends can have a regular monthly session too. That would be nice to be in a group with family and friends.

Anyway, they had more sisters there than brethren, and I helped even out the numbers. My heart went out to the single sister there. I could tell that the deepest desire of her heart was to one day experience these ordinances for herself, with a worthy man as her eternal companion. I prayed on her behalf. I am particularly sensitive to the plight of single adults in the church. I was one myself. My wife and I were not married until we were in our mid-30's. I know the feelings of loneliness and longing. The desire to have these eternal blessings for yourself. As I prayed and pondered there, I felt assured that this Sister would receive every blessing in the Temple -- in the Lord's own due time. I have relatives who are single, and are now in their 40's, my heart and prayers went out toward them as well.

I needed some time to think and pray as well. After leaving the temple, I just sat in my car for a while, looking upon the beautiful temple, all lit up at night, and pouring out my heart in prayer.

As I did so, some burdens that I had been carrying were lifted from me. It's not that the problems have gone away, but the pain and burden of them were lifted off my heart and soul.

This is the second time in a week that I have been to the temple. Last week, I took Thursday off for our Stake Temple Day. I was able to spend a large portion of the day in the Temple, doing most of activities that are available there.

I can see the beneficial effect that going to the Temple has had on me. I need to go more often. We have been going once every couple of months, but I can seen that I need to go there more often.

A member of our stake presidency is currently serving as a temple worker once a week on Thursday mornings. He has to be there 4:00 in the morning. Maybe I should follow his example -- if not being a temple worker, at least being a temple patron once a week. I need that good influence on me. I need the sustenance that the Temple can provide, that my spirit hungers for.

The Savior said: "And blessed are all they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost." (3 Nephi 12:6)

My soul was an hungered, and it was filled. I stood on holy ground, and I did not want to leave -- for I was at home -- in His Holy House.

This is perhaps my favorite scripture:

27 Thus we may see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name.
28 Yea, thus we see that the gate of heaven is open unto all, even to those who will believe on the name of Jesus Christ, who is the Son of God.
29 Yea, we see that whosoever will may lay hold upon the word of God, which is quick and powerful, which shall divide asunder all the cunning and the snares and the wiles of the devil, and lead the man of Christ in a strait and narrow course across that everlasting gulf of misery which is prepared to engulf the wicked—
30 And land their souls, yea, their immortal souls, at the right hand of God in the kingdom of heaven, to sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and with Jacob, and with all our holy fathers, to go no more out. (Helaman 3:27-30)

One day we won't have to leave to go home at all. For his home will be our home, for always and forever -- to go no more out.

Angles Looking Out for Me

A little over 20 years ago, I was working as a 911 dispatcher. I would often speak to people in the most dire of situations, and then I would send to them the help they needed.

Because of the hectic nature of my work, I found that I needed to spend some time alone to get away from everything.

It was the 24th of July weekend, and I decided to go camping in the mountains near Ferron, Utah. I found a little, out of the way canyon – where I could find some solitude – in which to set up my camp.

After cooking my dinner, I had a little time to sit quietly by the campfire. It was during a time in my life in which I was struggling in my faith. I had suffered some setbacks and reversals and I was contemplating just giving up. I began to contemplate the direction in which my life should go. Should I stay on the gospel path, or should I go in some other direction?

The Pioneer Broadcast
I had brought a radio with me. One of the few stations that I could pick up was KSL radio. Since it was Pioneer day, there was a special broadcast in commemoration of the arrival of the Pioneers to the Salt Lake Valley.

As I listened to that broadcast, I was touched by the sacrifice and effort of the Saints who came across the plains.

After the program ended, I shut off the radio. I began to consider the sacrifices and efforts of my own ancestors.

Many of them joined the church in the 1830’s and 1840’s. They went to Nauvoo. Some of them joined the Mormon Battalion and made that long march to California. Then they marched East across the Sierra Nevada Mountains, to join the Saints in the Salt Lake Valley. After just a few weeks in the valley, they continued their march Eastward all the way back to Winter Quarters, only to turn around once more to bring their families back to Utah.

Still others of my ancestors would join the church in England and Scotland. They sailed ships across the ocean, and walked across the plains, pushing handcarts to come to Zion.

One Ancestor, after joining the church in England, brought his family to Nauvoo. Then he came across the plains in a covered wagon. Once he got his family situated in the Salt Lake Valley, he was called on a mission – Back to England! So he retraced his steps along the Mormon Trail back to the East. He sailed back to England where he served his mission. After completing his mission, he sailed across the ocean for a 3rd time, and began making his way back to Utah -- but he would never make it back. He only made it as far as Mormon Grove, Kansas – where he died in a cholera epidemic.

What have you Done With My Name
After pondering the lives and sacrifices of my ancestors, I felt a bond and connection to my ancestors, that I had never felt before -- almost as if some of them were right there with me. Who knows, perhaps they were there with me that day. I felt their influence on me for good at a pivotal time in my life. That influence helped me to choose to stay on the gospel path. I realized more about who I am, and that I, like Jonah, have a holy calling from the Lord -- no matter how far I ran, or tried to hide. What a waste it would be if I were to abandon all that they had toiled, sacrificed, and worked for so diligently all their lives.

Then the following story came to my mind:

Once when President George Albert Smith was seriously ill, he lost consciousness and thought he had died. He found himself standing near a beautiful lake. Soon he began following a trail through the woods, and after a time he saw a man, whom he recognized as his grandfather, coming toward him.

“I remember how happy I was to see him coming,” President Smith said. “I had been given his name and had always been proud of it.

“When Grandfather came within a few feet of me, … he looked at me very earnestly and said:
“ ‘I would like to know what you have done with my name.’

“Everything I had ever done passed before me as though it were a flying picture on a screen—everything I had done. … I smiled and looked at my grandfather and said:
“ ‘I have never done anything with your name of which you need be ashamed.’

“He stepped forward and took me in his arms.” (Improvement Era, Mar. 1947, p. 139.) See Also: (S. Michael Wilcox, “The Beatitudes—Pathway to the Savior,” Ensign, Jan 1991, 19)

I knew that if I were to leave the path of the gospel, that I would not be able to stand unashamed before my own ancestors. I began to realize just how much I owed them for the blessings that I enjoy now. Their legacy to me is priceless. I would have a lot to answer for if I were to squander it away.

In Malachi 4:5-6 we read:

5 ¶ Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD:
6 And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

The hearts of my fathers were, and continue to be drawn out toward me. And my heart was, and still is, drawn out toward them.

In the most recent General Conference (October 2008), Elder Jeffery R Holland, spoke of the role of angels, he said:

“Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near. Sometimes their assignments are very grand and have significance for the whole world. Sometimes the messages are more private. Occasionally the angelic purpose is to warn. But most often it is to comfort, to provide some form of merciful attention, [or] guidance in difficult times.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Ministry of Angels,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 29–31)

Elder Holland goes on to say that not all angels are from the other side of the veil – but that mortals can act as angels on the behalf of others. As we turn our hearts to our fathers, we can act as angels on their behalf – even as saviors on Mount Zion.

The hearts of fathers and children being turned to one another is a two-way street. They depend upon us to find them, and have their work performed in the temples. But they too can help us in our own lives as well. Not only by the sacrifices they already made for us when they lived in mortality, but even now when we need help, strength and comfort.

Our ancestors, whether they were members of the church or not when they lived on earth sacrificed on our behalf, so we could live here on earth in a time and place when the gospel is upon the earth in its fullness.

We live in the shadow of the greatest genealogical resources in the world. Soon we will live in the shadow of 4 temples in the Salt Lake Valley. What a waste it would be if we did not take advantage of the opportunities available to search out our kindred dead. In fact, the angel Moroni told the prophet Joseph Smith that the “the whole earth would be utterly wasted at his coming” (JS Hist 1:39) if this work does not take place.

In a way, each of us are 911 dispatchers for those on the other side of the veil. Will you take the call? Will you help those who are in need of the ordinances of the gospel? Will you get them the help they need?

I believe that as we search out our ancestors, that we will be blessed as we learn of their lives and what they have done for us. Each of us, us as members of the church – have a holy calling to assist the Lord the work of saving precious souls. Precious because they are our Father’s children. And precious also because of the blood that was shed for them by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

When you engage in temple and family history work, you invite the Spirit of the Lord into your life. You may also invite the influence of Angels -- both seen and unseen to help you in accomplishing this work. These same angels may also help you in the trials and struggles you face in your own life.

I close with this scripture from D&C 84:88

“ … for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” (D&C 84:88)

The Way Things Should Have Been

Mitt Romney should have been inaugurated President of the United States of America today.

Really!

He should have been!

Instead, we now have President Barak Obama. Don’t get me wrong. I wish the new President well. I will treat him with the respect due to his office. (Unlike those who opposed and maligned President Bush.) I acknowledge that he is the duly elected President of the United States, and will treat him with graciousness.

However, I don’t agree with him much. Politically, I will have to oppose him when I feel that his policies will hurt, rather than help, our nation. In particular I am afraid of new policies that will restrict our liberties, and bind our economy. Taxation will increase. Hard work and ingenuity will be punished, rather than rewarded. Our medical system could deteriorate into socialized medicine. I worry about Obama’s cut and run approach to national security, rather than confronting our enemies head on.

The Bogey-Man of Global Warming will restrict energy production, and increase our energy costs. It will handcuff our ability to produce and complete in the global marketplace. At the same time, nations that don’t restrict their activities based on the feigned evils of global warming, will be able to grow their economies unfettered, which will be a competitive disadvantage for the United States. More and more jobs will go overseas as a result.

Mitt Romney gets all this. Barak Obama does not.

I wanted Mitt Romney to be the Republican nominee during this past election campaign. However, perhaps in the long-run, it was best that he was not. Given the “October Surprise” of the economic meltdown in September and October of 2008, it would have been extremely difficult for any Republican to have won the election. When you combine the effects of the economic meltdown, with the hatred toward President Bush, and the unpopularity of the war in Iraq – you end up with a near Perfect Storm that would have made a republican victory in the presidential election nearly impossible.

Let’s face it. John McCain was a weak candidate. His campaign was not well run. Better to have McCain be a Sacrificial Lamb and go down to defeat, rather than have a promising up and coming candidate (like Mitt Romney) get tainted with a lost general election campaign.

Although Mitt is coy about whether or not he would run again in 2012 or 2016, at least the opportunity of running again is open to him. Had he been the nominee, and lost, the chances of running a successful campaign again in the future would have been greatly diminished.

No one was more disappointed than me on February 7, 2008, when Mitt Romney announced that he was suspending his campaign. The “Super Tuesday” elections had taken place a couple of days before. Mitt hadn’t fared as well as he had hoped. He had won several states, including Michigan. However he had lost Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina – despite putting a lot of time and resources into those states. John McCain and Mike Huckabee combined together in cultish fashion to deprive Romney of a victory in West Virginia. Latent anti-Mormon Bigotry also played a key role as to why Mitt didn’t do better than he might have.

By pulling out of the race as early as he did, I believe Mitt left the door open to himself to run again, should that be his wish. He is positioning himself well now, with his Free and Strong America PAC. He uses the PAC to give him opportunities to stay involved in political issues, and in supporting other Republican candidates. If he can help get other republicans elected to Governorships, and as congressmen and Senators, then he will forge loyalties with these important leaders.

Mitt is also frequently featured on national media outlets, such as Fox News, and in writing articles for major national news publications. These media appearances help him to stay in the public eye. His wise and sensible commentary will be borne out as the next couple of years progress.

This course is not unprecedented. Ronald Regan had unsuccessful attempts at winning the Republican Nomination before he finally was able to win. Reagan wrote articles, and gave many speeches outlining his policy direction, long before he won the nomination. Like Reagan, Mitt Romney might be able to make a comeback. Hopefully the Democrats won’t wreck the country until he does! -- But that might be what it takes before people will wake up and return to conservative principles.

In the meantime, hold onto your hats (and your wallets for that matter!) -- We’re in for a wild ride the next 4-8 years.

Cheer Up!

Dawn Ann thought I needed a little cheering up. Friday, we had intended to go to Hogle Zoo. But by the time we got there, it was too late in the day. Friday was a warm sunny day (that is warm for us at 50 degrees). So after we drove away from the zoo, we just kept heading up Emigration Canyon, over to Parley's canyon, up to Park City, on to Coalville, through Hennifer and Morgan, and then back home via Highway 89 and I-15.

It was nice to get out of town for a little while and see the countryside. While in Morgan, we stopped off at the Jubilee grocery store, and stocked up on Pepsi for my mom.

While we drove, Dawn Ann read "The Shadow Taker" by Blaine Yorgason to us. I have to say that this is the first book in a long while that has really caused me to think and reflect a lot.

The story is of a man, who is the driver of a Jeep in Southern Utah, along the Hole in the Rock Trail, which was built by early Mormon Pioneers in 1880. The man is an insurance executive, who has cut many corners, and compromised his integrity on many occasions. He laughs at, and mocks another character in the book who is always trying to live by the rules, and who maintains his integrity.

The Shadow Taker is like an angel of death. When the man's jeep breaks down in the hot, searing desert, the man searches for water, and meets the Shadow Taker.

What ensues is a review of the man's life. The Shadow Taker shows him scenes from his life, from early childhood on down to recent events. The driver of the Jeep was shown to have lied, cheated, and hurt many people along the way. He attempted to justify his actions, and remained unrepentant. His heart was set so much on obtaining riches, and to gain positions of power and worldly recognition, that he didn't care much who he hurt or trampled over in the process.

This man's life could be summarized by the following scripture:

Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men . . . (D&C 121: 34-35)

The driver of the Jeep had been a member of the church. He had been given every opportunity to take full advantage of the blessings of the gospel. Instead, he never did internalize the teachings of the gospel. He chose to worship the wealth and power of the world, instead of the True and Living God.

Now, the Shadow Taker was holding him accountable for his actions, and the future did not look bright for him.

In the days since Dawn Ann read this book to us as we traveled, I have reflected on it again and again -- which I'm sure was the hope of the author when he wrote it.

How and I doing? Am I honoring my covenants? Am I keeping the two great commandments, to Love God, and to love my fellowman? Are the aspirations of my heart set upon the things of the world, or the things of God?

On Saturday, we finally made it to the Zoo. We had an enjoyable time together, and we finised up just as the weather started to turn bad.

Here are a few photos from our outing:

The Mighty Cougar -- Go BYU!!!

Mama and Baby Giraffe

The baby Giraffe is only two months old, born on December 27, 2007.

The Tiger has Eyes for YOU!

Leopard on the Prowl

Never Cry Wolf!

Actually, "Never Cry Wolf" is one of my favorite movies.

Paging Dr. Smith

If you are as old as dirt, like me, you might remember this guy. This is Johnathan Harris, who played the infamous Dr. Zachary Smith in the TV series "Lost in Space" which aired in the early 1970's.

In the series, Dr. Smith was always devious and unreliable. You never could count on him. He would put on a brave face, but at the last minute, he would chicken out.

I ran into a Dr. Smith of my own during my October 12-14, 2007 hospital stay.

I had been admitted to the hospital with acute diverticulitis, combined with an abscess on my bowel that was pressing down on my bladder. After they discovered my situation following a CT scan, they asked me who my surgeon was.

What? I didn't have a surgeon! I didn't know I needed one until now! So the hospital contacted the surgeon on call, which turned out to be my Dr. Smith.

Dr. Smith seemed nice enough. He explained what was happening with me. He even drew a picture of my bowel, bladder, and where the abscess was that was causing all the trouble. He said that I would need surgery to remove the part of my bowel that contains the diverticular pockets.

When I was discharged from the hospital, on a Sunday night, he told me to contact his office the next day (Monday) to schedule an appointment, where we would further discuss the surgery. We had arranged for me to be on oral antibiotics (Augmentin) and then have a follow-up CT scan in two weeks.

The next day, I dutifully called Dr. Smith's office, and arranged for an appointment with him on the following Friday.

The IV antibiotics in the hospital had worked well. I had received some relief from the intense pain I had experienced the week before.

In fact, the next day, Monday, I returned again to work again, as if nothing had happened. (I was somewhat weakened, and I still had some pain.) It was dawning on me that I was going to need surgery, and I felt myself resigned to that fact. I confided in a couple of my co-workers and my boss that I had spent my weekend in the hospital. However, most people didn't know that I had even been in the hospital again.

Things progressed along nicely through the week, until Thursday, when I got a call from Dr. Smith's office. I was informed that Dr. Smith was retiring, and that he was no longer taking new patients. My Friday appointment was canceled out from under me, and I was summarily dumped! My Dr. Smith was as unreliable as the one on the old TV show!

I was dumbfounded! What was I to do now? I decided to call my internist. But they were really hesitant to even schedule and appointment for me. They told me to contact a surgeon. However, I needed some recommendations for a good surgeon -- and that was part of what I wanted to discuss with my internist, who after all, is supposed to be my primary care physician.

Reluctantly, my internist agreed to meet with me the next day, on Friday. When I got there, it was like I was radioactive. She didn't want to touch me with a 10-foot pole. She didn't want to counsel with me, or have much at all to do with me.

My wife came with me to that appointment, and we were appalled at her attitude, and her unwillingness to be of much help. Finally, I got a list of recommended surgeons from her, and we left.

We haven't been back ever since, either.

I have one doctor, my rheumatologist, who is my most trusted doctor. I called his office, and asked him to give me a call, with some recommendations for a colon surgeon.

My rheumatologist called me back, and we discussed several doctors, and he told me which one he go to if he were having similar trouble. This doctor is the go-to doctor for complicated bowel surgeries. The doctor he recommended is often times consulted by other doctors when they have difficult cases.

I decided to go with the surgeon recommended by my rheumatologist. He also happened to be on the list that I wrenched away from my internist. This turned out to be a very good decision.

In the long run, I feel grateful that I had the surgeon I ended up with. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that Dr. Smith wimped out on me, after all.

A Full Plate

I believe it all started on the night of September 1, 2007. We had decided as a family to get up at 3:00 am to watch a meteor shower. After Dawn Ann’s diagnosis of cancer, I decided to try and do as many fun things we could as a family, and together as a couple as we could before the mastectomy. Viewing the meteor shower was one of these activities. (Another was going to the State Fair as a family. And thirdly, we celebrated our wedding anniversary early by going to Johnson’s Mill bed and breakfast in Midway, Utah.)

We took some treats with us to nibble on as we watched the meteor shower. I remember getting some Red Vines, and a bag of caramel popcorn.

The popcorn, although it tasted pretty good, had a lot of unpopped kernels in it. I didn’t think a lot of it at the time, but that bag of caramel popcorn might have been my downfall. I believe that one of those popcorn kernels may have been the cause of another bout of diverticulitis.

A few days after the meteor shower, I felt some pain in my lower abdomen. I didn’t think much of it at the time, although I always worried that I might be having bowel trouble again. I have a history of diverticulitis, and I worried some that I may be having another problem. I had some mild abdominal pain that lasted a few days, and then went away, so I shrugged it off. I had more important things to worry about, with Dawn Ann’s breast cancer, and I needed to support her in the face if this monumental challenge.

A month went by, and I remember being in Dawn Ann’s hospital room (October 2-4th, 2007). She had made it through the surgery alright. I was focused on seeing to her needs, and comforting and supporting her in this ordeal. As I sat in her hospital room, I again felt a return of the abdominal pain. It was a little more intense than it was before, a month earlier. But I blocked it out of my mind as I focused on Dawn Ann. Now I believe that the pain I felt that first week of October was the manifestation of an abscess forming on my bowel.

We got Dawn Ann home from the hospital, and I stayed home with her for about a week and a half. I helped her though things that first week home from the hospital. I drove her to her doctor appointments, cooked meals, did laundry, took care of the house, drove the kids around to their appointments and classes and picked up the load of both parents, as best I could

On Monday, October 8th, I went to the Insta-care clinic. The abdominal pain was now manifesting itself with symptoms in my urinary tract. I had painful, burning urinations, and began to be convinced that I might have a urinary tract infection. I gave a urine sample, and the quick test did not reveal a urinary tract infection. They were to culture the urine specimen for three days to check for an infection. They did not give me any antibiotics at that time.

On Wednesday, October 10th, I returned to work for the first time since the surgery. The next day (Thursday) I again went to work, but the abdominal pain returned with a vengeance. I couldn’t make it through the work day because of pain. I felt like my prostate might be infected, because I had some pain and tenderness in that area.

I again returned to the Insta-care, complaining of a possible prostate infection. The doctor examined me, and after a digital exam decided that I might, indeed have a prostate infection, and gave me a prescription for Cipro. (Which has been successful in treating prostate infections in me before).

Thursday night was a nightmare! I couldn’t sleep all night because of pain. I found myself curled up into a fetal position in bed trying to get comfortable. Ibuprofen and Tylenol couldn’t touch the pain, and I could not sleep.

Friday morning, October 12th, I called my Internist, and told them of my situation. They told me to go to the Emergency Room. Dawn Ann had already determined that we were going to the ER anyway, regardless of what the doctor might have said.

At the ER, I told them of the pain I was experiencing, and also that I had a history of diverticulitis. They hooked me up to an IV, and had me start drinking my “favorite” cocktail – that wonderful mixture of raspberry crystal light, and Iodine. Mmm Mmm Mmm. A cup full every 15 minutes. It takes about an hour and a half to drink it all. This iodine drink is used to provide contrast in preparation for a CT scan.

I drank the whole liter of the iodine cocktail. They wanted me to urinate before they did the CT scan, but I couldn’t. I tried and tried, but it just wouldn’t come. Then came my worst nightmare – a catheter.

In all my life, this was something that I dreaded. When I was a little boy, about 6 or 7 years old, I had my tonsils out at the old Primary Children’s hospital. In the same room with me was a little boy who had prostate problems. They had a catheter in him – and he was in agony. I remember when I was young, that I had nightmares of having a catheter put in, and being in sheer agony -- like that little boy at the hospital.

Well, you might say that I had another dream (nightmare in this case) come true. They came into my little curtained-off cubicle at the ER, and put in the catheter. Without going into details, it was one of the most uncomfortable things I have ever experienced. My nightmares as a child were not misplaced! Not only was the catheter uncomfortable going in, but It continued to be uncomfortable for as long as it remained in place.

Finally, they did the CT scan. And the CT scan revealed that once again I had diverticulitis, with an abscess – just like before nearly two years previously. The abscess was in a different location this time, and was pressing on the bladder. This accounted for the painful urinary tract symptoms I had been experiencing, which had masked the real problem.

Unlike last time, they didn’t insert a percutaneous drain tube in me. They said the abscess was too close to the bladder, and as a result would be too risky to insert.

After the CT scan, I was admitted to the hospital. They put me on IV antibiotics, and left the catheter in for a couple of days.

I was in a great deal of pain physically, but the greatest pain of all was psychological. I was supposed to be taking care of my dear wife, who just had a mastectomy the week before. Now she was having to take care of me! This was a heavy burden for me to carry. I had been prepared to serve Dawn Ann in any way possible, and give my all to serve her. And now I could not do that. It was the first time in my life when there was a great need for me to fill, but I could not do it. And that hurt worst of all!

Half A Plate full

Well, I haven’t blogged for awhile. What readers I may have once had, have surely gone away by now. Frankly I haven’t felt much like blogging lately. By the time you read the next series of posts, you may understand why.

Last September, when I posted last, we were facing a monumental challenge in our lives. My wife Dawn Ann and just been diagnosed with breast cancer. On October 2, 2007, Dawn Ann underwent a mastectomy. She was in the hospital for 3 days and 2 nights. I took that week off from work to take care of her. I have written about our experiences with breast cancer at one of my other blogs: DCIS Husband.

The mastectomy was a struggle for Dawn Ann, but she did very well. After the surgery, she was all bandaged up, and had two JP drains coming out of her. The drains were the most uncomfortable thing for her.

The surgery was a complete success! They got all of the cancer with surgery alone. Going into the surgery, we knew that there were two spots of cancer on her right breast. The final pathology report showed not only the two expected locations with cancer – but a third location that was previously undetected! The 3rd spot was not found by mammograms nor by MRI. The third spot also proved to be a more aggressive form of cancer.

The revelation of the 3rd cancer spot only served to confirm our decision to have the mastectomy. There was no doubt now that this was the correct course of action. Even if it would have been possible to do lumpectomies on the two other spots, the third more virulent spot would have remained, and could have done who knows what untold damage -- even pose a threat to her life.

Fortunately the surgery was able to get all the cancer. It was caught early enough that no other treatment, besides the mastectomy, was necessary. No chemotherapy and no radiation. This was a great relief to Dawn Ann.

Dawn Ann decided before the operation, to have concurrent reconstruction done on her breast. After the breast tissue was removed, a tissue expander was placed under her chest-wall muscle. Later, the tissue expander would be inflated with saline to create a space under the muscles, where a silicone implant eventually will be implanted.

Frankly, Dawn Ann’s breast cancer would have been plenty on our plate all by itself. But that was just the beginning of our health related troubles – which I will discuss in my next post.

Udate on CPAP Therapy

In my previous post, I described my experience while undergoing a sleep study.

I now use my CPAP machine religiously. It has really been a benefit to me -- a blessing even.

Here is the CPAP machine that I use. And here is the mask that I use.

The sleep study took place on April 10th of this year. I started on the CPAP machine on May 1st. After a few weeks of CPAP therapy, I noticed that I was sleeping through the night. Not waking up several times each night.

The quality of sleep I get now is much better. I have more energy, I am less sleepy during the daytime. I don't feel so tired and run-down all the time.

I also can concentrate better. I work as a computer programmer, and I would often find it difficult to concentrate, and wrap my mind around difficult tasks. Now I can grasp complicated concepts much better. I actually feel like doing things more proactively, instead of waiting things to come to me alone.

I was really worried about the noise of a CPAP machine -- and if my wife would kick me out of our bedroom to the basement. However the machine I use is quite quiet. I would highly recommend it. This is the machine that I use. And this is the Mask that I use.

I had hoped that the CPAP therapy would help with my edema (swelling in the feet, ankles and shins), but it hasn't made much difference in that area. I continue to take those evil water pills (lasix). However there are times (such as during travel) that I can't just hang out near a restroom for a few hours at a time. So on those days, I don't take the lasix. (Don't get any ideas, Larry Craig, if you're reading this! And no tappy-toes Senator jokes here, please!)

Anyhow, I feel that the CPAP therapy has been a great help in my life. I feel better now than I have for several years.

If you think you might have sleep apnea. See your doctor. It will help you feel better, and the Therapy might even save your life one-day!

A $2000 A Night Hotel -- And Not Even Cable TV!

For the past 2-3 years I have been experiencing a lot of fatigue and tiredness. There have been days when I could hardly hold my eyes open at work.

I have noticed that It has been hard for me to concentrate and stay engaged in difficult, mentally challenging tasks.

Also I have developed over the past few years edema (swelling of the feet and calves). My Dr. has prescribed water pills until my kidneys have begged for mercy, but with only marginal results. In the quest to find the cause of the edema, tests were performed to make sure that I didn’t have leaky heart valves – which can result in edema. The test results showed that my heart was doing just fine, so that was not the cause.

My Dr. finally referred me to a pulmonologist to be evaluated for sleep apnea. Sleep apnea can also result in edema, as well as be a reason for the fatigue and tiredness that I have been experiencing over the last few years.

The pulmonologist did an initial oximetery test, where you wear an “alligator” clip on your finger, which is attached to a recording device that measures your heart rate, and blood oxygen percentage overnight as you sleep.

From this test, I learned that my breathing was stopping at a rate of about 40 times per hour. I also learned that my blood oxygen percentage went down to 72 (90 and above is considered normal).

The pulmonologist diagnosed me with Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA). The therapy for this condition is to begin using a CPAP machine (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure). However, I learned that in order for insurance to help cover the cost of the machine, that you had to first undergo an overnight sleep study. I crunched the numbers, and I figured that I would be dollars ahead to follow the insurance protocols, rather than skipping the sleep study, and just buying a CPAP machine outright on my own.

So I checked myself into a “Sleep Disorders Center” at a nearby hospital. I actually felt like I was checking myself into a jail or a halfway house. – Like I was doing time on evenings and weekends. Perhaps it was the confinement and the lack of freedom, for the night that made it feel jail-like. (Actually, I’ve never spent any time locked up in a jail cell, so I wouldn’t know what that might really feel like.) All I know is that I felt like a jail bird. I even wore my stripped convict pajamas.

Like jail, first thing I had to do was strip down and put on my convict pajamas. Next they had me try out a couple of CPAP masks, to see if I found one preferable to another. I picked out my “favorite” mask, and then was told that I could watch TV or read for awhile.

I turned on the TV, and much to my dismay, it was regular broadcast TV only. Here I am staying at this place for the night – with a list price in excess of $2,000. You would think that they would at least have Cable TV for that price!

I don’t watch anything on network TV. I am a denizen of the Discovery Channel, TLC, HGTV, The Travel Channel, Food Network, with a little Animal Planet mixed in. I might watch something on the History Channel, or A&E. But I haven’t watched anything of interest from the broadcast networks since Frazier went off the air.

Next they came in to wire me up. There were 21 wires in all, attached to my body. I had probes attached near each eye, and probes attached under each side of my jawbone. There was another probe attached on my forehead, right above the bridge of my nose. I had a wire attached to each earlobe. There were probes attached on my chest on either side of my heart. There was a probe attached to each of my legs just below the knees. Then there were several probes attached to my skull. Fortunately, they didn’t have to shave little holes out of my hair to make these attachments. (Although they could have used my bald spot on the crown of my head if they wanted to!) Instead they put this goop into my hair, and then braided wires into the goo. After the goo set-up, it was just about the consistency of silly putty.

Next they put two belts around me. One of them was around my chest, and the other was around my diaphragm. These two belts were also wired, and were there to sense the depth and frequency of my respirations.

At this point I felt like I was about to be strapped into an Electric chair.

To top it all off, I had an oxygen sensor attached to one of my fingers – similar to that of the oximetery test I had received before.

After being hooked up to all the wires, and then being tethered to the bed, I was also told that I MUST sleep for a minimum of 2 hours, and that my breathing MUST stop at least 30 times per hour, or insurance wouldn’t cover a CPAP machine.

If I “achieved” those goals, then they would put me on the CPAP machine for the 2nd half of the night. If I didn’t make the cut, they would just let me sleep on until morning.

No pressure at all! Can anyone else see the irony here? I am at this place because I have a probable sleep disorder in the first place! Then I am told that I must sleep, on-demand, in this strange place, with all these wires attached to me, while trying to find a comfortable position without pulling all the wires out. Got that!

I did a little reading, called home, and prepared to go to sleep. I discovered why they don’t have Cable TV there. The real reason is that they really don’t want to have anything interesting on TV -- which might keep you up at night. After all, they want you to sleep, not watch TV. The TV fare made that an easy choice for me!

I paged the attendant, and had them help me get the covers straight on the bed without pulling out all the wires, and then the turned off the lights.

I said my evening prayers, and eventually drifted off to sleep. I woke up after a while with a sore shoulder. I had been sleeping in an awkward position because of all the wires and probes, and now my shoulder hurt. They gave me some Tylenol and I slowly drifted off to sleep again.

Next thing I new, at about 1:30 am, a technician came into the room and told me that she was going to put on the CPAP mask. Whew! I passed the test! I must have slept the requisite amount (I figure I had been asleep for about 2-2½ hours) and that my breathing must have stopped in excess of 30 times per hour. I don’t think I ever really got into a deep sleep though.

They put the mask on, and made sure it was fitted properly, then I laid back down on the bed – on my back! I just laid there for about 20-30 minutes, and I actually drifted off to sleep!

I NEVER sleep on my back. My airway usually does close off when my muscles relax just before falling asleep. With the CPAP, the airway was kept open. The mattress was also comfortable enough for me to sleep on my back as well – it was a nice pillow-top mattress.

The CPAP machine did make some noise. It sounded like a small hand-held hairdryer on a low setting, with a bit of a whooshing sound because of the air movement. It was an easy kind of a “white” noise that I got used to it fairly quickly. Of course that’s easy for me to say. My ears were partially plugged from the earlobe probes, and I am already half-deaf in one ear to begin with. I guess my dear sweet wife will be the ultimate judge of whether or not the CPAP machine is noisy or not. Who knows, if the machine is too noisy, I might be sleeping in the basement from now on!

After a while, I rolled over onto my side, which is my normal sleeping position. I was able to get to sleep on my side for awhile too. However, with the wires and probes, I was not able to get into a really good sleeping position. Twice during the night, the staff had to come into the room and re-attach probes that had come off during my limited movements. I hope I will be able to find a comfortable sleeping position with the CPAP machine at home. I will often switch from sleeping on my left side, to my right side. I don’t know how well its going to work to have the air hose crossing over the top of my body when I am attempting to sleep. I guess we’ll see how that works out.

I woke up just before 5:00 am, and was done for the night. At about 5:30, the staff came in and started disconnecting me from all my wires and probes.

I changed into my “street” clothes, got the manufacturer and model of the CPAP mask that I used, and got out of there. Not only did this $2000-a-night hotel not have cable TV, but I didn’t get to sleep either! No continental breakfast, no newspaper, no nothing! However, I was glad to get out of there – even if I did have a serious case of “crazy hair” with all the silly putty still stuck in it. The staff reassured me that “hot water and shampoo” would get the putty out. I made my move and broke out of that place, and headed for home!

Going home, I noticed that my gas gage showed empty, and the nearly out of gas warning light was coming on. So I stopped on the way home, crazy hair and all, and filled up the gas tank.

By the time I got home, it was just before 7:00 am. That’s about the time the family starts to stir. I did my morning back stretches. Then we had family scripture study, and got Amy off to school.

Then after everything had settled down, I set out to get the silly putty out of my hair. After two very vigorous shampoos, I was able to get the gunk out of my hair. I don’t know how much hair it took with it (I noticed that my hair was even a little thinner than usual on top) but at least the goop was gone!

I had previously arranged with work to come in late that day, so that I could get some actual sleep after the “Sleepless Study”. I rested for awhile, and finally made it in to work by around noon.

The sleep study staff told me that the full report of the sleep study would be sent to my Dr. in about 2 weeks. In the meantime, sleep specialists will review all the data from the sleep study, and make recommendations. My Dr. will then make his recommendation based on the study, and will undoubtedly prescribe a CPAP machine.

In the meantime, I await the results, and anticipate the adjustments and hopefully the changes for the better that will be coming in the next few weeks and months as a result of CPAP therapy.

His Promises Are Sure

We went to the temple last night. It was for our ward’s regular monthly sealing assignment at the Jordan River Temple.

It was our first visit to the temple since Dawn Ann’s diagnosis of Breast Cancer. Perhaps our feelings and emotions were a little closer to the surface as a result.

During our sealing session, we were called to the altar first. Dawn Ann and I looked at each other across the altar, as we did for the first time nearly 16 years ago. As the ceremony, which binds a couple together for time, and for all eternity, was pronounced, tears came to Dawn Ann’s eyes. Just a few tears at first, then many more. The sealer handed us a box of Kleenexes so she could wipe her eyes.

As for me, I looked into those eyes, which I have loved for the last 16 years. She always looks so beautiful in white. I am so grateful for her. For the love she has brought to me. The children she has brought into this world. And all she does for us to provide a home for our family.

As I looked at the tears coming from her eyes, I thought I perceived what she might be feeling, and why the tears. Later, I confirmed with her that what I had perceived was correct. As Dawn Ann heard the blessings and promises of eternal marriage pronounced once again, she felt a peace and assurance from the Spirit of the Lord that no matter what happens in this life, the Lord's promises to us are sure. That she and I will be together eternally.

This was what brought tears to her eyes. The witness of the Spirit that despite the challenges we are currently facing, the diagnosis of breast cancer, that she can be assured that all will be well – no matter what happens.

My turn would come a few minutes later, as I was sitting next to the sealer, as one of the witnesses, Brother Leetham gave a few words of counsel between ordinances.

He counseled that the Lord wants each of us to return and enjoy eternal life with him. Brother Leetham counseled that the Lord will leave no stone unturned to make this happen. He paraphrased this scripture:

“ . . . For I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.” (D&C 84:88)

He then counseled that the blessings of eternal life will come through our faithfulness. Then he explained what that means.

Brother Leetham explained that our faithfulness doesn’t mean that we have to be perfect right here, and right now. What it does mean, however, is that we should continually try to become better people little by little. Not in huge spurts, not mile by mile, but inch by inch.

The goal should be to examine ourselves a few months from now, and to be able to see how we have become a little bit better than we were before. The comparison is always with ourselves over time, never comparing ourselves against others.

We should not be comparing ourselves with the bishop, stake president, or the Apostles. Besides, he said, we only see them when they are at their best. They are human too. We just don’t generally see them in their weak moments.

As brother Leetham spoke his words of counsel, I found tears coming to my own eyes this time. As he paraphrased the scripture, I felt that we do not have to face this breast cancer alone. That He will go before us, that He will be on our right side, and on our left, and that His angels will be round about us. He will be there for us. He will not desert us.

The words from the fourth verse of “I am a child of God” best describe my feelings:

I am a child of God.
His promises are sure;
Celestial glory shall be mine
If I can but endure.

(I Am A Child of God, Lyrics by Naomi W. Randall)

All will be well. We have placed our trust in him, and I know we can pass through this trial – no matter what.

-- His Promises are sure.

September 11th Remembered

In Memory of Those Who Died

There are certain dates in our collective consciousness that are indelible in our minds. It seems like each generation has a transcendent event that marks their generation:

• For my grandparents, it was October 29, 1929 -- The stock market crash -- followed by the great depression.
• For my parents it was December 7th, 1941 -- The Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.
• For my generation it was November 22, 1963 – The assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
• More recently, September 11, 2001 is now seared into our collective minds – The day of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. More than 3,000 people died that day.

Most people who were old enough to remember these events, can remember where they were, and what they were doing when they first heard the news. Isn’t it interesting that each of these events was a calamitous event of one sort or another. Events that seem to have the greatest collective impact upon us.

I remember that I was getting ready for work on that morning – September 11, 2001. As usual I was listening to the radio – Station KSL in Salt Lake City on that day – when I heard an initial report that a small plane had hit one of the World Trade Center towers, and that a couple of floors of the building were involved in fire. At first it was not understood that the airplane was really jet airliner.

I didn’t think much of it at first. Probably just an unfortunate case of pilot error. There would, sadly, be some casualties -- but surely nothing that they would not be able to get under control. I saw no reason to panic, or any immediate inkling that this would even become a terribly significant event.

Then the second tower was hit. This time it was plainly seen by all that it was an airliner, and not a small plane. It also became apparent that this was no accident – it was a deliberate attack.

At that point in time, I left the bathroom radio. I turned on the TV in our bedroom and tuned in to CNN. Everyone else was still asleep in the house. I usually don’t turn on the TV because I don’t want to disturb everyone else. However, on this day, I made an exception, as I explained the situation as I best understood it to my wife, who was just waking up.


As the TV came on, I saw an image both twin towers on fire. Then the unthinkable happened, the first tower collapsed. There was panic in the streets as people were fleeing from the scene of dust, debris, and death.

By this time, the rest of the family had gathered around the TV. A few minutes later, the other tower also collapsed.

My son, Bryan was 8 years old at the time. In his innocence, when he saw the building go down, he said: “COOL!” He had thought it was just another garden-variety building implosion that we have all seen on TV countless times before.

Of course, the difference this time, was that thousands of people were dying as those towers collapsed. I gently had to explain to him that this was not a planned demolition, and that people had been hurt when those buildings came down.

Numbly, I went into work that day. I have to admit that I didn’t get much done that day. Mostly I sat in stunned silence, as I listened to the radio coverage on KSL.

I remember listening to Doug Wright on KSL throughout the day. KSL had just begun carrying the newly syndicated Sean Hannity show the day before, on September 10th. I remember hearing Sean’s coverage from a New York City perspective. In addition to Doug Wright and Sean Hannity, KSL also carried audio from CNN and from local New York and Washington, DC TV and radio stations.

I remember the eerie quietness of the skies for the next three days, as all air traffic was ground to a halt.

My mother-in-law was undergoing hip replacement surgery at the University of Utah Medical Center, as the terrorist attacks took place. She went into surgery with our nation at peace, and came out of anesthesia to a nation at war.

Now, six years later, we can see how much our world has changed since the day of those attacks. We have been involved in war ever since. We likely will be for some time to come – regardless of what happens with our involvement in Iraq. If it is not Afghanistan, or Iraq, it will be somewhere else. Regrettably, I’m afraid that it will inevitably return to our own soil one day.

On this sixth anniversary, I wish to remember those who died that day. I also wish to remember the soldiers, sailors, and marines who have died, and been injured defending our freedoms ever since.

The Aurigid Meteor Shower

Photo of Aurigid Meteor shower by wisforworlddominatio on Flickr

This morning we got up at 3:00 AM. The occasion was the Aurigid Meteor shower. This photo was taken by member of Flickr. I didn't take any photos myself of this event. Meteor showers are best viewed with the naked eye, with as wide a field of vision as possible. If you are concentrating on looking through a camera viewfinder, or binoculars, you are not likely to see much of the festivities.

About a year ago, I read an article about this meteor shower. It does not often yield good viewing results. However, the placement of the earth's orbit, and the location of dust trail from the comet that left the space debris, matched up just right for what promised to be a spectacular meteor shower.

Last year, I dreamed of getting as far away from city lights as possible to view the meteor shower. I thought Monument Valley, in the extreme Southeast corner of Utah sounded good. There is a nice lodge down there called Gouldings. It would have been nice to stay there and view the meteor shower from there.

However, certain realities have come to bear. Financially, a trip like that just wasn't in the cards. We also had some other obligations that made it difficult to get away this weekend.

Instead, we drove up to the Snow Basin ski resort, just outside of Huntsville, Utah. When I was in the area last week, I noticed that it would be a good place for star gazing. It provided a particularly good view toward the Northeast, and was away from city lights - both requirements to see the Aurigids, as they are called.

We arrived at the viewing area at about 4:45 AM. We broke out the lawn chairs, and our jackets and blankets. I'm not sure what the elevation was, but I would guess that it was somewhere around 6-7000 feet. The temperature was somewhere in the 40's.

Almost immediately, we saw our first meteor. They were pretty constant. We probably saw about one per minute on average. We brought some bagels, yogurt, and juice with us to have an early breakfast as we watched the meteor shower.

The Peak of the meteor shower was supposed to be at 5:37 AM. Within a couple of minutes of the peak, we saw the most spectacular meteor. An exceptionally bright one was streaking across the sky, when it split into three parts. It was like nature's fireworks.

As it got closer to 6:00 AM it was starting to get light. We packed up our things, and continued on into the town of Huntsville, Utah. Just outside of Huntsville, there is a Trappist Monastery. We had never visited there before. We arrived at about 6:45 AM, and learned that there was a daily Mass conducted there at 6:30 AM each day. There were even a few cars in the parking lot, that we assumed belonged to worshipers. They have a gift shop there, and apparently they sell honey there. Bryan wanted some of the creamed, cinnamon honey. We would have too, except the store didn't open until 10:00 AM.

As we headed back to Huntsville, from the Monastery, I drove up to the place where I had parked my truck, just over a week ago, and called Dawn Ann to learn about the results of her biopsy. It was here that I first learned of her breast cancer. Huntsville will never be the same to me again. That spot, in some ways, has become a sacred spot to me. Perhaps that is how it is with places in which we have life-changing experiences. It is a place in which I came to realize how much more I need to depend on the Lord, for the life, health, and future of our family.

We retraced our steps from Huntsville, past Snow Basin Ski Resort and on home again. Both Bryan and Amy conked out in the back seat of the car. We listened to the KSL Outdoors radio show to keep away on the way home.

We arrived home at about 8:45 AM. We all promptly crashed and took naps until about noon. It was worth it though. The meteor shower was really fun. The time together invaluable. I hope the kids will always remember the time we got up at 3:00 IN THE MORNING! to view the meteor shower.

Since Dawn Ann's diagnosis, I have made a determination that I want to have a few fun family outings between now and the time of her surgery. It might be quite some time before Dawn Ann feels like getting out and about once the surgery has taken place.

I also want to make a point of us having a little time together for a day or two sometime before her surgery. Perhaps we'll celebrate our anniversary (October 18th) a little early this year!

DCIS - In Two Places

This week, my dear wife was diagnosed with DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. This is a non-invasive form of breast cancer.

The good news is that this form of cancer is virtually 100% curable.

The bad news is that because the DCIS is in two places on the same breast, and quite a distance apart from one another -- treatment will require a mastectomy. At this point it does not look like chemotherapy, or radiation treatment will be necessary.

This is not a battle that we have chosen. However, it is now a reality in our lives, and will forever affect our and family.

I am 100% behind my wife in this. I will support her in any way I can to help her through this time of great challenge and need.

We do not know why this challenge is ours, but we place ourselves in God's hands, and will trust in his plan for us.

I have decided to start a new breast cancer blog, called: DCIS Husband.

Just in the few days that I have been involved in the breast cancer world, I have found minimal resources for husbands of breast cancer patients. In my own small way, I hope to perhaps be of benefit for other husbands who have and will go through this same experience.

It will also give me an emotional outlet as we journey through this experience together.

The Berlin Wall

I was able to see a portion of the Berlin Wall on a recent trip to Dallas, Texas. The hotel I was staying at, the Hilton Anatole, has a large collection of artworks and artifacts. This section of the Berlin Wall was a part of their collection.

I took a few minutes and thought about the significance of the Berlin Wall in 20th Century history. It was literally the dividing line between the communist East, and the democracies of the West.

Ronald Regan Delivering his "Tear Down This Wall"
speech at the Brandeburg Gate in Berlin.

June 12, 2007 was the 20th anniversary of President Ronald Reagan's famous "Tear Down This Wall" speech.

The key passages was this:

"General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

You can read the full text of the speech here.

But even better, through the magic of You Tube, you can watch an excerpt of this famous speech yourself:



Amazingly, that line was struck from the speech several times. The speech writer, Peter Robinson, had originally written the line. But whenever the speech was vetted with State Department, and National Security advisers, they kept striking this passage from the speech. They were afraid that this line was too provocative, and too bold.

Finally, President Reagan had to sit down with his advisers, and remind them that he was the president, and he would say whatever he wanted to say.

The Berlin Wall Being Torn Down

Well the rest, as they say, was history. Within 2 1/2 years, the wall really did come down. Within another year or so, the whole Soviet Empire collapsed, and freedom was restored to hundreds of millions of people who were formerly behind the Iron Curtain. And that Iron Curtain was most symbolized by the Berlin Wall.

All I can say is: I really miss The Gipper!

The Great Escape

Last Sunday, my wife and I gave talks at the Westridge Academy for Girls. This is next to the Westridge Academy for Boys (formerly known as the Utah Boys Ranch). Both schools are a residential treatment facility for troubled teens.

Here are a few excerpts from my talk that I would like to share:


I remember when I was in college, I found myself getting into some problems with my schoolwork. I was getting behind in my classes, and I was taking some classes for which I was not adequately prepared. The end of the semester was approaching, and the day of reckoning was night at hand.

I used to have a think spot up Provo Canyon, overlooking Deer Creek Reservoir. I would driver there when I needed some time to be alone, to think and ponder. As pressures began to mount, I decided to go to my usual think spot to try and sort things out. However when I got there, I just kept on driving. The next thing I knew, I found myself on Interstate 80 – headed for Denver.

Denver

I hadn’t planned for a long trip when I left. I didn’t bring anything with me -- no cash, no change of clothes, no food nor drinks, not even a toothbrush! I lived off of gas station hot dogs and soft drinks. (I did have my oil company credit card with me.)

At first my road trip seemed exciting. I drove all night long. I arrived in Denver and found a room to stay in – in what I later learned was a bad part of town. I went to a Hockey Game in Denver. It was minor league hockey back in those days, and the team from Salt Lake was in town playing the local Denver Team – The Salt Lake Golden Eagles vs the Denver Spurs.)

As I sat in that cheap motel room, I began to think again about my situation, and the difficulties from which I was trying to escape. Even though I had driven some 500 miles, my troubles just followed right along with me! I just couldn’t shake them!

Nowhere To Hide

I realized then and there that no matter how far I ran, my problems were still with me. You can’t run away from your troubles, and you can’t run away from the Lord -- no matter how far you go. You can’t run away from who you are. You are still a child of God no matter what. You are still accountable for your actions no matter where you go.

There is no place on earth that is so far away, but that the Lord knows you are there. He is always there, and he always knows where you are. No matter how far away you go, and no matter what you may have done – The Lord already knows all about you. There is no place we can hide.

God will always be our Father, and we will always be his children. There may be times in our lives when we turn away from him, and don’t acknowledge Him as God, and that He is Father. However, that does not change the fact that he exists, and that we are his children.

He will never turn away from us – even if we have turned away from Him. No matter how far we may think we are Him – He is always only a prayer away! He will always listen. He will always answer when we call upon Him.

I know in my life, that He has never given up on me – even when there were times when I may have given up on myself.

The Master Physician

Christ can lift our burdens. He can heal our wounded souls, and He can mend our broken hearts. He is the Master Physician.

I know that he lives. That He is the Son of God. And that he is the Savior of the World.

He knows you, and he knows your heart. He knows what troubles your soul, and he knows how to heal you.

He has touched my life. He has calmed soul, bound up my broken heart, and has given me peace, understanding, and hope of a glorious eternity – provided that I honor the covenants I have made with Him.

These blessings are available to all. Every soul is precious to the Lord. I know He can heal our hearts, if we will let Him in.

On Pins and Needles

It's been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened. A lot of Good has happened.

In my last post I mentioned that I had been feeling blue, and had been having a lot of doubts about myself. I even wondered if I might be suffering from depression. I think I have gotten over that hump. Some things have really changed for the better. Other things will be changing for the better in the near future. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't feel so helpless, or hopeless anymore.

In my last post, I mentioned that I was about to undergo an EMG test -- which tests nerve response. Let me say, now after having undergone this test, that if you are about to have this test, that you should be prepared to become a human pin cushion.

When I was escorted into the exam room, I got to dress up in one of those delightful hospital gowns.

Next thing I know, the doc comes into the office sharpening his needles like a chef wielding his knives at Benihana. He explained that these were very small needles -- only 26 gauge!

I'm here to tell you that 26 gauge or not, by the time you get poked more than 50 times by these needles, that they all feel like blunt pencils being shoved into you!

The doc was accompanied by a very nice, and very young, medical assistant. She was all of about 20 years old. Take nothing away from her, she did a very good job of working the very complicated diagnostic equipment. As it turns out, she was from the small town of Fredonia, Arizona -- and was very impressed that I actually knew where she was from. I told her of a trip our family took a few years ago to Kanab, Utah. We went through her home town on that trip to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.

The testing started out with a few "warm ups" for my nerves. The idea being that the test would better gauge my nerve responses if they were properly "warmed up" prior to the testing. The doc stuck a needle in my leg just below the knee, and another one in my ankle. Then they hooked a couple of alligator clips onto each needle and sent a "mild" electric shock through them. Next thing I knew, my leg was uncontrollably kicking. Then another set of needles were inserted above and below my ankle, and the electric shocks were sent through, and my ankle started flailing about like a fish out of water. Several other nerve groups were "warmed up" too. Now I was ready for the real test to begin. To be honest, I had had just about enough during the warm ups alone!

The needles for this test were always inserted in pairs. Every time a test was run, it had to complete a circuit. All the nerve groups from the lumbar area of my back down to my toes were tested. This included the rather indelicate testing of the nerves in my gluteal muscles. Let's just say that the medical assistant deserves to get combat pay. She had to see places where normally the sun doesn't shine -- we're talking the dark side of the moon here folks!

Another thing about the test. You not only have the pain from the prick of the needles, but when the electrical charges pass through, they have to turn up the current, until basically, it starts to hurt like heck. I always knew if he got a good reading or not, because if it didn't hurt, it didn't read.

As the test went on -- first up and down one leg, and then up and down the other -- we chit-chatted about various things. We (the doc and I) talked with the young medical assistant about her hometown of Fredonia, an how it is the gateway to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. As it turns out, her parents own cafe's in Fredonia and in Kanab. We continued gabbing on about various other things -- which helped to pass the time during the test -- AND helped me to keep my mind off how much pain I was experiencing.

At one point about half-way through the test, the doc asked me if I was enjoying myself. I had to answer with an honest, "No, not really." I think this poor doc is beginning to get a complex about not being very well liked by his patients. He looked rather resigned when I gave him my matter-of-fact answer. It is my understanding that this doc specializes in these kinds of diagnostic tests at the Spine Clinic. This doc has a really nice bedside manner -- for a guy who is constantly needling his patients all day long. (Pun intended!)

We kept on chatting through to the end of the test. Although I was in pain during the test, I tried to be as pleasant as possible throughout the procedure. I didn't yip, or spit, or curse, or anything! Near the end, the doc commented that I should be teaching a patient education class about proper decorum and behavior for an EMG test. I guess some folks really have some negative reactions to being poked, shocked, and jolted like that. I like to think that I proved to be a welcome respite for the doc and his assistant from patients who might have a very unpleasant reaction to this test.

The results of the test were kind of mixed. The good news was that I don't have any serious nerve damage coming from the nerve roots out of my lower back. He did find that I might benefit from a steroidal injection to the left side of my lumbar area. That surprized me a little, because I feel like I am having more trouble with my right side than with my left. Especially with my right leg going numb after being on it form more than about 15 minutes at a time.

This test also confirmed what I already knew to be true. I have peripheral neuropathy in both of my feet. Although my symptoms were consistent enough for a diagnosis of peripheral neuropathy, this was the first objective test that definitively proves that what I am suffering from is in fact neuropathy. This diagnosis also came with a bright side. He told me that the nerve "wires" were not damaged. The problem stems from the fact that the sheathing around the nerves has been damaged. This results in far too much input being received by the nerves, which results in the weird combination of numbness, tingling, a burning sensation, and pain.

Since the problem is with the sheathing, and not the actual nerve itself, that means that there is a chance (but no guarantee) that in time, the sheathing could re-generate, and this condition could diminish, or go away altogether one day. The time period for this potential regeneration will not be measured in weeks or months - but probably years. Maybe as much as 5 years.

It's now been about 1 full year since the onset of this condition, which was a result of a side effect from the drug Flagyl. Flagyl is a nasty drug, and is only used in extreme circumtances -- which I was in a year ago. I have since learned some really nice things about Flagyl. Here are some excerpts from a statement on Flagyl from the FDA:

WARNING
Metronidazole (Flagyl) has been shown to be carcinogenic
in mice and rats. (See PRECAUTIONS.)
Unnecessary use of the drug should be
avoided. Its use should be reserved for the conditions
described in the Indications and Usage
section below.

And then there is this regarding peripheral neuropathy:

ADVERSE REACTIONS
Two serious adverse reactions reported in patients
treated with Flagyl (metronidazole) have been convulsive
seizures and peripheral neuropathy, the
latter characterized mainly by numbness or paresthesia
of an extremity. Since persistent peripheral
neuropathy has been reported in some patients
receiving prolonged administration of Flagyl,
patients should be specifically warned about these
reactions and should be told to stop the drug and
report immediately to their physicians if any neurologic
symptoms occur.

I honestly don't remember if I received this warning or not about Flagyl. I did call my then Dr. at the time (no response from him for a couple of days). With no response from my Dr. I called the home health care pharmacist. I explained that I was having this constant pain and numbness in my feet, for about the last week, and I wanted to know if any of the medications I was taking might be causing this. He promptly looked it up, and said that Flagyl might have that effect. He told me to not take any more of it until he could consult with my Dr. Somehow, he was able to get through to my former Dr. (when mere a mere patient couldn't get through) and confirmed with him that I should stop taking this drug.

I don't harbor ill will for the Dr. Flagyl may very well be responsible, at least in part, for saving my life. It's true that I have since changed doctors, because I felt like he was too slow to act, and not aggressive enough when my health was headed for crisis. If I wanted to, I could point the finger of blame for getting me into that crisis in the first place, and blame him for the after effects that may hamper me for years to come, if not for the rest of my life.

For now, I rely on heavy doses of neurontin and and ibuprofen every day, just to keep my neuropathy controlled to the point that I can function.

So the EMG test confirmed what I already knew. Not that it really makes a difference. However I now have proof, if every anyone questions me, that I really do have peripheral neuropathy. It's not just in my head --- its in my feet!