On Pins and Needles

It's been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened. A lot of Good has happened.

In my last post I mentioned that I had been feeling blue, and had been having a lot of doubts about myself. I even wondered if I might be suffering from depression. I think I have gotten over that hump. Some things have really changed for the better. Other things will be changing for the better in the near future. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and I don't feel so helpless, or hopeless anymore.

In my last post, I mentioned that I was about to undergo an EMG test -- which tests nerve response. Let me say, now after having undergone this test, that if you are about to have this test, that you should be prepared to become a human pin cushion.

When I was escorted into the exam room, I got to dress up in one of those delightful hospital gowns.

Next thing I know, the doc comes into the office sharpening his needles like a chef wielding his knives at Benihana. He explained that these were very small needles -- only 26 gauge!

I'm here to tell you that 26 gauge or not, by the time you get poked more than 50 times by these needles, that they all feel like blunt pencils being shoved into you!

The doc was accompanied by a very nice, and very young, medical assistant. She was all of about 20 years old. Take nothing away from her, she did a very good job of working the very complicated diagnostic equipment. As it turns out, she was from the small town of Fredonia, Arizona -- and was very impressed that I actually knew where she was from. I told her of a trip our family took a few years ago to Kanab, Utah. We went through her home town on that trip to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon.

The testing started out with a few "warm ups" for my nerves. The idea being that the test would better gauge my nerve responses if they were properly "warmed up" prior to the testing. The doc stuck a needle in my leg just below the knee, and another one in my ankle. Then they hooked a couple of alligator clips onto each needle and sent a "mild" electric shock through them. Next thing I knew, my leg was uncontrollably kicking. Then another set of needles were inserted above and below my ankle, and the electric shocks were sent through, and my ankle started flailing about like a fish out of water. Several other nerve groups were "warmed up" too. Now I was ready for the real test to begin. To be honest, I had had just about enough during the warm ups alone!

The needles for this test were always inserted in pairs. Every time a test was run, it had to complete a circuit. All the nerve groups from the lumbar area of my back down to my toes were tested. This included the rather indelicate testing of the nerves in my gluteal muscles. Let's just say that the medical assistant deserves to get combat pay. She had to see places where normally the sun doesn't shine -- we're talking the dark side of the moon here folks!

Another thing about the test. You not only have the pain from the prick of the needles, but when the electrical charges pass through, they have to turn up the current, until basically, it starts to hurt like heck. I always knew if he got a good reading or not, because if it didn't hurt, it didn't read.

As the test went on -- first up and down one leg, and then up and down the other -- we chit-chatted about various things. We (the doc and I) talked with the young medical assistant about her hometown of Fredonia, an how it is the gateway to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. As it turns out, her parents own cafe's in Fredonia and in Kanab. We continued gabbing on about various other things -- which helped to pass the time during the test -- AND helped me to keep my mind off how much pain I was experiencing.

At one point about half-way through the test, the doc asked me if I was enjoying myself. I had to answer with an honest, "No, not really." I think this poor doc is beginning to get a complex about not being very well liked by his patients. He looked rather resigned when I gave him my matter-of-fact answer. It is my understanding that this doc specializes in these kinds of diagnostic tests at the Spine Clinic. This doc has a really nice bedside manner -- for a guy who is constantly needling his patients all day long. (Pun intended!)

We kept on chatting through to the end of the test. Although I was in pain during the test, I tried to be as pleasant as possible throughout the procedure. I didn't yip, or spit, or curse, or anything! Near the end, the doc commented that I should be teaching a patient education class about proper decorum and behavior for an EMG test. I guess some folks really have some negative reactions to being poked, shocked, and jolted like that. I like to think that I proved to be a welcome respite for the doc and his assistant from patients who might have a very unpleasant reaction to this test.

The results of the test were kind of mixed. The good news was that I don't have any serious nerve damage coming from the nerve roots out of my lower back. He did find that I might benefit from a steroidal injection to the left side of my lumbar area. That surprized me a little, because I feel like I am having more trouble with my right side than with my left. Especially with my right leg going numb after being on it form more than about 15 minutes at a time.

This test also confirmed what I already knew to be true. I have peripheral neuropathy in both of my feet. Although my symptoms were consistent enough for a diagnosis of peripheral neuropathy, this was the first objective test that definitively proves that what I am suffering from is in fact neuropathy. This diagnosis also came with a bright side. He told me that the nerve "wires" were not damaged. The problem stems from the fact that the sheathing around the nerves has been damaged. This results in far too much input being received by the nerves, which results in the weird combination of numbness, tingling, a burning sensation, and pain.

Since the problem is with the sheathing, and not the actual nerve itself, that means that there is a chance (but no guarantee) that in time, the sheathing could re-generate, and this condition could diminish, or go away altogether one day. The time period for this potential regeneration will not be measured in weeks or months - but probably years. Maybe as much as 5 years.

It's now been about 1 full year since the onset of this condition, which was a result of a side effect from the drug Flagyl. Flagyl is a nasty drug, and is only used in extreme circumtances -- which I was in a year ago. I have since learned some really nice things about Flagyl. Here are some excerpts from a statement on Flagyl from the FDA:

WARNING
Metronidazole (Flagyl) has been shown to be carcinogenic
in mice and rats. (See PRECAUTIONS.)
Unnecessary use of the drug should be
avoided. Its use should be reserved for the conditions
described in the Indications and Usage
section below.

And then there is this regarding peripheral neuropathy:

ADVERSE REACTIONS
Two serious adverse reactions reported in patients
treated with Flagyl (metronidazole) have been convulsive
seizures and peripheral neuropathy, the
latter characterized mainly by numbness or paresthesia
of an extremity. Since persistent peripheral
neuropathy has been reported in some patients
receiving prolonged administration of Flagyl,
patients should be specifically warned about these
reactions and should be told to stop the drug and
report immediately to their physicians if any neurologic
symptoms occur.

I honestly don't remember if I received this warning or not about Flagyl. I did call my then Dr. at the time (no response from him for a couple of days). With no response from my Dr. I called the home health care pharmacist. I explained that I was having this constant pain and numbness in my feet, for about the last week, and I wanted to know if any of the medications I was taking might be causing this. He promptly looked it up, and said that Flagyl might have that effect. He told me to not take any more of it until he could consult with my Dr. Somehow, he was able to get through to my former Dr. (when mere a mere patient couldn't get through) and confirmed with him that I should stop taking this drug.

I don't harbor ill will for the Dr. Flagyl may very well be responsible, at least in part, for saving my life. It's true that I have since changed doctors, because I felt like he was too slow to act, and not aggressive enough when my health was headed for crisis. If I wanted to, I could point the finger of blame for getting me into that crisis in the first place, and blame him for the after effects that may hamper me for years to come, if not for the rest of my life.

For now, I rely on heavy doses of neurontin and and ibuprofen every day, just to keep my neuropathy controlled to the point that I can function.

So the EMG test confirmed what I already knew. Not that it really makes a difference. However I now have proof, if every anyone questions me, that I really do have peripheral neuropathy. It's not just in my head --- its in my feet!

I'm Still Here, After All

Hi people! I'm still here. I've been a very bad blogger lately.

Oh, I could make a lot of excuses -- real life getting in the way of my blogging, several talks and lessons I've had to prepare for during the last little while. I have been facing health issues, some of them old, and some new ones too.

I think of things to write about during the day (when I should be working), but then when I get home, I just haven't had the energy.

I'm not sure, but I may have been going through a mild bout of depression. Here is a list of symptoms of depression from the National Institute of Mental Health:

Depression

• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Of the 11 symptoms listed above, I think I have experienced about 7 of them during the last few weeks. For privacy reasons, I'm not going to mention exactly which ones of these have been working on me - but I will say that I have NOT had any self destructive thoughts or actions.

Health issues are at the heart of these feelings. I don't have any health issues right now that are life threatening (thankfully!). The health problems I am dealing with now are those that restrict what activities I can participate in, and in some cases are debilitating.

I have recently been having a lot of trouble with my back. I have had some back pain, and a lot of shooting pain and numbness in my legs. Right now I can't stand up or walk for more than about 15 minutes, until my legs start going numb.

My back has never been the same since I pulled that all-nighter back in October, when we installed a new server at work. I just way overdid it that day-and a night-and a day. And, as Clint Eastwood would say, "A man as got to know his limitations!"

After suffering with this problem, and some days I have hardly been able to walk, I finally was able to get the help I think I need. I was referred to the Intermountain Spine Institute for evaluation and treatment. After undergoing an MRI, I learned that I have 5 mildly bulging disks in my lumbar region, and pinched nerves due to stenosis in the last 3 lumbar vertebrae.

Tomorrow, I will be undergoing an EMG (Electromyogram) test. This will test the muscles in my legs to determine if they are receiving normal nerve impulses. I may also get some answers about the nerve damage to my feet that has been a problem since last May. I have a follow-up appointment with my Physiatrist to review the test results, and more fully discuss treatment options.

I have already started physical therapy to help strengthen my back and abdominal muscles, with the hope of being able to alleviate some of the back and leg pain that I have been experiencing. I have enjoyed the workouts so far. It it has been positive for me to be actually doing something about this problem. If nothing more, it is helping me to get exercising again. The exercise has helped my mental attitude, and has been empowering as well.

I want to take this opportunity to turn over a new leaf, and to shake things up. I want to get control over my health. Along with the various medical treatments I am undergoing, I want to focus on getting exercise, eating better, getting more (and better quality) sleep, and losing weight.

I know that's a lot of things to deal with. But I have to make the effort to change. It is worth it. I am 48 years old, and there have been times during the past few months that I have felt more like I was 68. I still have a family to raise, and things I want to do. Right now my health is preventing me from doing many of the things I enjoy.

One of the things I enjoy is blogging, and writing. I don't want to let that slip away either. So I am going to be posting more regularly from now on. My goal is at least once a week.

Are You Still Here?

If you are reading this post, it means that you are still here upon this earth, and that God has granted unto you the privilege of living in mortality for yet another year.

This past year has been a challenge for me. It was filled with unforeseen health challenges. There were times when, if events had gone differently, I might not have been granted the privilege of seeing yet another year here on this earth.

I learned to cherish health as a great blessing. Although I am no longer facing life-threatening health challenges, I still have my battles, mostly with peripheral neuropathy and psoriatic arthritis. These challenges have made mobility difficult at times. I am on medication to treat both of these conditions. It is my hope that in time, the medications will help bring these conditions under control. But for now, I have some relatively good days, and then again some days in which I have a hard time getting around.

The decisions of life and death are in the Lord's hands. If it were his will, I could have easily been a Missionary in the Spirit World right now. However, I believe that my being here indicates that it is His will that I yet remain upon this earth. I still have a work to do here: I have a wife and two children to support and take care of. I still need to see my children through to adulthood, and get them on their own. I will have opportunities come to me to serve in the kingdom of God on earth as well. We never know how the Lord may choose to use us to influence others for good. And in the process of serving Him, our souls will be enlarged as well.

Another reason that I am still here is that I still have a lot of work to do on becoming more Christlike. I know I have much yet to do in this regard. Having more time here on earth gives me the chance to improve myself, to overcome my weaknesses, and try to become more like the Savior.

The Prophet Alma said:

And thus we see, that there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God. (Alma 42:4)

According to this, I am on probation, with the Lord being my parole officer. I have to check in with Him each week and report my progress, as I partake of the Sacrament. It is up to Him to decide when my probation is over. For now, I will continue to walk in the path upon which He has marked the way.

So, now that God has granted each of us the privilege of another year on earth, how are we going to use it?

I would like to issue a challenge to myself and to each of you:

• Choose one thing that you are doing wrong now, and stop doing it.
• Choose one thing that you are not doing right now, that you should be doing.

Ask the Lord to help you know what these two things should be. Make a decision, and write it down. Commit to yourself, and to the Lord that you will make these changes. Work on them, stay with it. If you slip up, don’t be discouraged, don't get down on yourself. Just renew your resolve to change, and keep at it. Eventually these changes will become second nature to you. Then you can select what you should work on next.

If you take it one step at a time, real progress can be made. At the end of this year, you will be able to see the changes for good in this life. You will have good things to report to your parole officer.

The Lord is pleased when we desire to repent, and change, and follow his will. He will bless you in your righteous efforts, and will help you to achieve your goals. You are precious to Him, and he wants for you to return to his presence, and live with him one day.

I hope your New Year goes well. -- And I'm glad that you are still here too!

WOW - That Could Have Been Me!

We received sad news last evening, that a local broadcaster, Doug Miller, had passed away. He was 59 years old.

Doug Miller is best known in the Utah media market for his Outdoors programs. First on KSL-TV, then on KUTV. He has been on radio and TV in the Salt Lake City area for nearly 30 years. He coined the phrase "Wild places and wild things", and was known as Utah's "Mr. Outdoors." He would profile interesting places to visit, and fun things to do and see. His presentations were interesting to the avid outdoorsman, as well as to the tenderfoot. Whether it was fishing, hunting, ATV riding, or Dutch Oven cooking -- he had a way of inviting you to come into his world and just come hang-out with him for a while and enjoy the great outdoors.

On July 31, 2006, Doug Miller was admitted to LDS hospital with diverticulitis and septic shock. He was placed in a drug induced coma for a week, hoping that his body would be able to gain the upper-hand on the infection that had riddled through his body. One medical worker said, "Doug has been at the gates of heaven for a week now. Either he doesn't want to go there, or heaven wont' have him!"

After that first week, he was able to make some progress and return to consciousness. Doug was able to visit with his family and grandchildren -- for what would turn out to be the last time.

The infection, however had taken its toll. He began to have major organ failures: kidneys, liver, and spleen. His body was shutting down. On Sunday he had two strokes.

Later, on Sunday evening, August 20, 2006, at about 8:00 pm, his family was gathered around him. He was removed from life support, and he slipped away from the bounds of this world.

I offer my condolences and prayers for the Miller family.

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I first heard of his passing last night, as I turned on the ten 'o clock news. However I did not hear of the cause of death.

This morning my mother called me at work, and asked if I had heard the news. I told her that I had heard of his passing, but not the cause. She told me: "Diverticulitis and septic shock".

Wow! I had my own moment of shock right there. A few months ago, I was hospitalized with a similar condition. I had diverticulitis, and severe infections -- but I had not yet reached the point of septic shock. Fortunately for me, it was caught in time before I reached a point of no-return.

This news once again reinforced to me the seriousness of the condition I was in. How close I really might have been to "leaving this frail existence." I thought of Dawn Ann, and the days that she was filled with worry and concern about whether or not I would make it through. Being a nurse, she knows of more things to worry about. I know it must have been a difficult time for her. I am so grateful for how she stood by me, and cared for me during the long months of recovery I went through.

I also have once more been reminded of how blessed I have been. The priesthood blessings I received. The prayers and fasting on my behalf from my family, fellow church members and co-workers. And even the prayers of those who read this blog. Again, I offer my thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

I'm also thankful for a kind and loving Heavenly Father, who chose to preserve my life, and let me continue on in my mortal journey. Thank you. Thank you for my life. Thank you for your love. I already knew that I owe all that I have and am to my Heavenly Father. Now I appreciate that all the more.

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Here are some Links for more information on Doug Miller:

KUTV Channel 2
KSL-TV Channel 5
Salt Lake Tribune
Deseret News